I have issues.

I know, talk about stating the obvious. It’s what I do, I look around, see what I see and then blurt it out as though no one else can see it.

Amongst the many issues is this one: I can’t stand to be alone. Now add this one: I hate people. Man am I fucked.

It is this juxtaposition of issues that drove me to look for social interaction on the Internet in the first place. This goes back to the early 90’s. I discovered usenet. What a great idea, I thought. People from all over can ‘gather’ to discuss common interests. The first post I made (probably in some Pink Floyd.alt.alt.dumb kind of thread) was flamed by some stupid know-it-all, stoner loser. I guess my post didn’t measure up to his expectations.

The same pattern followed for Bulletin Boards, Chat Rooms, and just about everything on Internet. Even the porn was disappointing.

I always think the Internet will be the perfect answer to this the need people/hate people thing. You’d think that on the web, without the constraints of class, economy and geography, that you’d be able to find a group of people that ‘fit in’ with.

As a rule, I’ve failed miserable in that regard.

Every time I think that I’ve found something that will allow me to interact with other people, it turns out that those people are as narrow minded, boring and general stupid (or more so) than the people I have to deal with in the real world.

And any of you that want to tell me that I could make it work if I wanted to are simply missing the point. Of course I could behave like a complete moron and fit in with the rest of them, but that’s not what I’m looking for at all.

So I sit here and work on my Shitty Blog Sites and make believe that if I control the rules that it will give me what I want. But we all know better.

So despite my social networking, my email contacts, IM contacts, twitter friends and blog buddies when I am feeling alone and want some one to talk… there’s nobody there.

Damn I love the Internet.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

It’s a new month and I’m still updating this thing. Will wonders never cease?

Not only that, our very own Monty contributed a dissertation on The Ironic Nature of Blogging in Regards to Self Pity and the Public Display Thereof. Or maybe it was a manifesto on The Duality of Human Nature, Specifically on How the Grass is much less Annoying on My Side of the Fence. Or maybe it was something else altogether… I’m not sure, you’d have to ask someone who actually read it.

We are now up to like a dozen members. Go us. At this rate we will complete the first phase of our take over of the internet by the turn of the millennium.

Maybe someday, I’ll actually update my blog. And maybe someday Mango will learn to put his hostility aside and love other people. Anything is possible.

Rumor has it that we have more posts in the works from other Contributors. I know, the excitement is over whelming. Do your best to control it.

In other news: Blogging still sucks and so does twitter. a-[e] still hates everything. And Shitty Blog Radio is live most Thursday Nights at 10 PM EST (or so.) Okay, none of that is really news, but it seemed like a half subtle way to get some cross promotion in there.

Here’s something I bet you didn’t know. Every once in a while, in the wee hours of the night, Mango feels remorse for the many blog posts he’s deleted. Remorse for deleting them that is, not the shitty things he said. He feels no remorse about that at all.

Remember, only losers refuse to post in the forum.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

I know I can’t be the only one out here with posts written that will never see the light of day.
Or posts that only get to live for a few minutes until they are disappeared.
This feels like one of those…or the other, maybe.

I value my friends - that includes my internet friends as well, of whom I have considerably more than the “real life” kind.
Many of you - MOST of you - I enjoy and I really like. A goodly number of you I love deeply and honestly, so much so that I would truly feel a void should you disappear from my life.
Seriously.

But lately I have been suffering from some bizarre (and vicious) anger and resentment.

And thus endeth the ‘making nice-nice’ portion of the post.

There is a tiny poison dart lodged in my heart, working its way in like a shard of glass, causing me to feel unhappy and aggravated and just plain ol’ MEAN.

Probably the internets are not the place for me to be when I feel this way - we all have our troubles, our angsty days (weeks, months), our complaints, our rants and bitingly pointed remarks.
Normally this isn’t a problem for me…I offer all those same things here and I’m always amazed at the level of support. I’m never arrogant enough to believe that I’m THE ONLY PERSON EVER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD who has had a particular feeling or thought. I’m not emo enough to think “NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME! How could you POSSIBLY know what I’m going through???”
I KNOW you relate to me. I KNOW I so often relate to you. We understand, we sympathize and we empathize.

But my tiny poison dart has…well, poisoned me…in thought and word.
I’m so tired of the everlovin’ complaining and bitching and all the people who are SO WILLING AND EAGER to take offense at the tiniest (and often out-of-context!) remark…I’m tired of the whiners and badgerers and the people who try to make everyone else feel small or uneducated or ignorant simply because they think about things in a different way.
I’m sick of the “EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN OPINION…except you’re wrong. And stupid. And sort of ugly” passive-aggressive games.

See? Internets are not for me, not in this mood.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m aware that I’M bitching. I’m complaining. I’ve lost my sympathy and my empathy and my “give a shit”.
I “own” that.
And you know what else? I’m sick of THAT too. What the hell does that even mean…”I own it”??
If it’s part of your mind-set, your character, your flaws and issues…guess what? You ALREADY owned it. It belongs to you.
What you’re doing - and believe me, I think it’s quite admirable of you - is acknowledging the problem, recognizing it for what it is and how it affects you. You’re not “owning” it. It’s not like it’s something you can sell - and PS who the hell would want to buy that anyway? You know you’d throw it away if you could.
OWN THIS, bitch.
YEAH.

I acknowledge my hypocrisy. I recognize my resentment. I admit my inability to quell the bubbling ick that rises inside me every time some poor blogger stubs his or her toe and people fall all over themselves fawning about it. I confess that I roll my eyes and get unreasonably agitated when I read a blog post that sounds familiar …and I realize that the person re-works the same basic post at least once a month but never gets past the typing to actually DO something about all the problems they’ve “owned”.
I concede that I have not been at all likeable lately, especially on Twitter where all my random and nasty thoughts find a home - several times a day.

I profess that I hate reading posts and tweets about how you’ve got it so fucking bad because you can only afford ONE week of vacation in the south of France this year or you have to spend the weekend getting massaged and spa-ed to recover from your laborious week of…living. I get irritated when I read how upset you are because you broke that manicured nail rushing to get to your “tweet up” or night out with the girls/boys and your babysitter was FIFTEEN WHOLE MINUTES LATE and your kid had a fever but you felt you needed to go out anyway for some “me” time.
MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME.

All that stuff you complain about? Not a SINGLE THING WRONG WITH IT.
It’s me. I wish I had some explanation as to WHY it’s so bothersome for me just now.
Time to step away from the ‘net, THAT much I’ve got figured out.
I know it’s not fair to let MY issue be crawling all over YOUR issues like that.
NOT.FAIR. I get it. I…”own” it. heh.

Actually I think it’s not the bitching so much as it is what people bitch about, time and time again.
Second verse same as the first. And third. And twelve. And seven hundred and forty-fifth.
Yes, that’s seriously judgmental and none of my business, really.
I’m aware of that.

I get pissed when people do NOTHING BUT complain about their miserable lives…and again, they SHOULD complain if they need to (like ME, just now, O! THE IRONY!).
But sometimes I just don’t get people… I don’t get them at all. It seems they’re overwhelmed at everything, by everything, and can’t function unless they have sympathy and lots of people slavering over them all the time.
Then, it seems, they manage to function just fine & dandy.

That’s when I start thinking all The Evil stuff. Like the pain I live with daily but I don’t talk about because it is what it is and if I think about it all the time and TALK about it all the time, it hurts a lot more. Like my back that always aches like a rotten tooth and how I re-injure it frequently because my 13-year-old 75lb “infant” son has to be lifted in & out of the bathtub and the wheelchair and the car and he has to be carried and moved and so on and so forth.
Like how I feel like a complete moron for talking about the minutiae of my daily life which DOES get quite overwhelming…because when I post about it the first thing I think is “OH SHIT, now everyone is going to feel sorry for me and pity me and IT ISN’T ABOUT THAT AT ALL”.

Stop reading now. Really. I mean it. Go do something productive, like read a book or play some WoW or King.com or neopets.
SERIOUSLY.

Because I really don’t want advice on “things I can do to make it better”.
No offense.
It’s just that I’ve heard it, and you know what? I’d love to take all those wonderful suggestions. I’d LOVE to. But there isn’t time or money or…time. Or availability. Or the desire to do a few of those pampering things that girls so love to do.
Well, other girls. Except me.
To me, sometimes those things are just like work. I don’t WANT to lock myself in the bathroom for two hours every Saturday to give myself an at home beauty treatment. I couldn’t care one whit less about that.
I don’t like shopping. Even if I COULD afford it, which I can’t. I don’t have the inclination to sit in a chair for two hours getting a manicure & pedicure. Doesn’t interest me.

See, I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m really glad that doing that sort of thing makes you happy and relaxed. I’m really glad that you can indulge yourself with those things that lift you up.

It’s just not for me.
Now you’re thinking, “Well hell, if you just want to sit around and wallow and not TRY to do anything about it, screw you & you deserve whatever you get. Or don’t get. Whatever. FINE.”

Don’t lie; I saw the eyeroll. I TOLD you to stop reading, didn’t I?

Lookit, my life is hard. My son’s extreme and multiple handicaps make it difficult for me to get out. Or GO out….like on a date. Or with the girls. Or whatever
Also my low tolerance for people comes into play - so don’t think I’m blaming my kids.

I do not blame or resent my kids - or ANYONE else - for a single thing I “don’t get” to do. Or any of the tough things that I “have” to do every day.

I am Mother, and it’s my job. I don’t take it lightly or for granted.
In fact, I don’t think about it much at all - we do what’s got to be done and we do it with love in our hearts.

Sure, I’d like to be able to just hop in the car and go to the park.
Or call a convenient babysitter to come on over so I can take in a movie or dinner with a friend.
I can’t. So I don’t fret over it.

My son is too heavy to just toss in the car & go. As for babysitters who are qualified (or willing, even) to take care of him?
About zero, at least around here.
My mom takes care of them during the week while I’m at work & doesn’t like to watch them on weekends.

I’m okay with that, too. I don’t usually miss the not doing things.
Until I read some post about “how I had to miss a night of drunken revelry and a possible gang-bang -woo!- because my hair was flat and I just couldn’t make it”.

If you think you’re hearing some envy…well, I wouldn’t say you’re wrong. Sometimes I AM envious of certain people-albeit briefly.
Because there are some for whom things just always work out perfectly… and quite often (not always, but frequently) those people are the most giant assholes on the planet.
I’m not saying that assholes deserve to have bad things happen, I’m just saying that it often seems as though they’re the ones getting the GOOD stuff. Over and over again.

It’s not a pissing contest - I’m not trying to prove my balls are bigger than YOUR balls (although they are) and that my problems are more important or worse than yours (again, they are)…I’m just saying that I have PLENTY of shit to complain and bitch and moan and groan about, but I try to keep it to a minimum. Some people make a living off it. Some people just live to DO the whining. I choose not to focus on it all the fucking time. If I can suck it up and deal, then YOU should be able to do the same.

I’m not going to apologize for how I feel; after all, I “OWN” my feelings, right? They’re an inimical part of me but we have to share the living space and try to get along.

And maybe to you, this whole big long-ass thing that keeps going ON and ON and ON reads like a giant pity-party or a trip to Bitter-ville…
You might think that I’m unhappy with my life or suffer all-consuming regrets or that I am malcontent.
If that’s the case, you really DON’T get me.

Did I mention I lost my “give a shit”?

You fuckers are stubborn. Or maybe just lazy. Or perhaps mildly brain damaged. It’s hard to tell.

Seriously, you need to sign up. I don’t care if you’ve always been a member, click on the Register link and sign up again.

Come on, Mango signed up again, so did SEV. Hell, a-[e] even registered. I think you can too.

I’ve given up all hope that these shitty fuckers are actually going to contribute any content. Is any one really surprised?

Me either.

The Blogathon didn’t really happen this year. There was a less Day of Blogs thing, but the Blogathon that has happened every year did not this year. Of course, after the cluster fuck that is was last year, it doesn’t really surprise me.

Yet, staying up all night. Blogging 48 meaningless posts. Raising money… at least getting a lot of people to say that they will give money (collecting is trickier.) I kind of miss it. Hell, I should organize something like that. We could call it the Shit A Thon.

Or not… that is likely to give people the wrong idea. On the other hand a shit a thon might be more interesting. How about Shitty Blogs Club Up ALL Night. That could work. I don’t think I have it in me to do a charity event. I could raise some money to give this shitty blog some ducats to run on. Hell, if I had money we could offer real prizes.

It’s nothing I’m ready to do yet, but perhaps this winter.

Also, against my better judgment, I’m thinking about Shitty Blog Survivor Year 3. It will suck extra this time. Look for it in October.

The cool kids all hang at the forum. The really cool ones listen to Shitty Blog Radio.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

Maybe you were once a member. Maybe you weren’t.

None of that matters anymore. The only things that matter are this: Do you have a blog and is it shitty? If you can answer yes to both of those questions, you could be one of us. Click here to find out how.

Do I have to have a blog to join? Yes. Yes you do. What part of Shitty BLOGS club did you misunderstand?
How about myspace? Does that count? No. If you wanna blog, then blog. Wordpress.com and Blogger.com have free blogging. Check it out.
I don’t have a blog what should I do? I don’t really care what you do, but if you’d like to participate without a blog, feel free to register in the forums.

I’ve upgraded everything. To give it that new and shiny look. Hopefully that will distract people from the fact that this club sucks. I mean royally sucks.

Here is some of the good stuff that you can look forward to:

• More content from Specail Shitty Contributors. Really, any day now. (Hint. Hint. Nudge. Nudge.) If you’d like to be a contributor, let me know.
• Shitty Blog Survivor Year 3 — Coming in the fall!
• Shitty Blog Radio. Live Every Thursday!
• Contests and other shit like that.
• And maybe even a super shitty event… but I’m still working out the details on that one.

So… GO SIGN UP NOW!

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

Okay. I admit it. I’m content challenged.
I have many blogs, no content.
And a radio show. With no content.

But I won’t let that stop me. But for this club to be interesting, some content would be probably help. To that end, I’ve scoured the Internet to find contributors to bring you the most informative, creative and humorous content out there.

Unfortunately, all of those people are already booked. So I’ve bullied, bribed and begged my Internet friends and acquaintances to give me a hand. The will provide you with all posts about blogging and the internet and what the hell is wrong with it. There will also likely be some nonsense.

In addition, I will try to write a post every once in a while.

Coming soon: new membership. Yeah. Really. I’m working on it. Still. It’s harder than it looks.

Other shit to look forward to: Shitty Blog Survivor.

So stay tuned, there will be content. I think. While you waiting, Talk Shit in the Forums, Listen to Shitty Blog Radio or buy yourself a new Shirt.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

Well, it’s a lot like the old SBC.

Seriously, I’ll start doing shit about this after I get back from my backpacking trip.

While you are waiting, listen to an episode or two of Shitty Blog Radio or post something in the Talk Shit Forums.

And once I get back, I’ll work on coming up with some new excuses for why I haven’t done anything with this webspace yet.

I know.

You’re as excited as I am.

Trust me.

Update your links… so on and so forth.

More to come.

I mean, admit it, this isn’t working.

The club, as it was initially formed, was a reaction to ‘click for viewer’ blog exchanges. The web has moved on. This Web 3.0 or something. The current model no longer works.

I could abandon the whole thing, but then the site would get squatted by spammers or worse yet the idea would get hi-jacked by morons that just don’t get it.

The idea is still solid, if poorly defined. We just need to re-tool.

I’m beginning to think, it may be time for the Shitty Blogs Club 4.0, or as I like to call it, the brand new, new and improved return of SBC, Part 2. Okay, I’ll keep working on the name.

Membership needs a reboot. If I bother to start working on this, I’m gonna require people to sign up all over again.

The requirements will be simple. You need to have a blog, you’ll need to link back to the club and that’s probably about it.

The SBC blog needs to be rethought completely. (What is the SBC blog? You’re reading it sunshine!) Most of the interaction in the club can and will be centered around the forum. I have some ideas for the blog, but I’ll keep them to myself for now.

Before I get all excited and decide to try to re-vive and re-vamp this anti-club of mine, I need to know if there is interest.

Most of the original players have moved on. Mango, a-[e], Fat Dude and those guys have mostly moved on. I know some of the members are out there, but I’m not sure if they care or not. If you think you might be interested in joining a club whose motto is “Be proud. Be Shitty!” If you don’t take yourself or your blog to seriously and if you can put up with my bizarre behavior and ambitions for cult leader type status… let me know.

Send me an email (jeckles AT gmail DOT com) or IM me (jeckles1 on Y!) or leave a comment in the forums, letting me know that you are ready to drink the electric blue kool aid.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

Don’t worry. I’ll have something Survivor related up tomorrow.

Remember Blog Explosion?
Remember Orange Haired Boy?
Remember how BE ‘banned’ me?
Remember OHB’s useless attempts at a flame war with us.

Ah. The good old days.

Did you know that OHB runs BE now? Remember how we used to say Boycott BE? It would seem that we are not the only ones.

Why are you dredging all this up now? You might ask yourself. It’s probably cause I want to have my blog deleted again. No. That’s not it.

It cause of Blogathon. When you go to the blogathon main page… you see, bigger than anything else… BE Radio. Wow. I thought to myself, they must be raising a shitload of money for charity to get that kind of exposure. But the thing is… they didn’t.

This makes no sense. There are hundreds of bloggers out there raising money. There are other stupid radio stations raising money. So why? Why does OHB rate, with out even lifting a finger for charity? (Which, they tell me is the whole point. Charity that is.)

I don’t get it. Could it be that OHB is fucking some one at the Blogathon headquarters? That doesn’t seem likely. I think they are all women.

So please, some one explain this to me.

I’m dying to know.